I wish sometimes wish I had life of a criminal, a gangster or a murderer or at least a person who wants to seek vengeance. At least I would have had a purpose and some madness and an iota full of passion about something. When you read this you would find me a mind wobbling person and that I am not. I am a person of that you would find in every crowd, someone who will easily go unnoticed because I am not special or heroic. The description promises a man full of insanity but I guarantee you that apparently you wouldn’t find someone saner than me. These are just the feelings I get when there I have an empty mind and an empty stomach and nothing to eat. Yes it is the Sunday evening now and after a boring day of happenings or rather of no happenings I am just letting my thoughts flow free wherever they want.
Coming back to all the crappy thoughts (as they may seem) ; they all are due to that criminal, detective, gory movies where gangsters and murderers are presented in such lavish fashion that you want to be one. I feel nothing wrong for someone who wants to be one of them because I believe you always want to be a person you are not. As a matter of fact today I am talking about those stylish smugglers, killers, drug lords and other verbatim wearing Armani and glaring Ray Ban’s having Colt’s in pockets sitting in those dim lit bars or night club with hot women; folks who have risen from a filthy and low life to be a so called respected men in ‘different’ circles of society. It seems like you want to be with them intending to watch yourselves in their shoes.
But this is not the only reason I want to be like them or it is not just because they have such a lifestyle that I envy them. It is because these people are full of conviction, deep in self-belief and courageous like no one else. They have the readiness for anything they decide to do and go to till the end. The aura that surrounds them is huge and very much influencing. You surely want your neighbourhood to afraid of you! Why wouldn’t you want to follow the ‘good’ words of Frank Costello (Jack Nicholson) from ‘The Departed’?
“I don’t wanna be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me.”
But this all you feel when you are inside a dark hall where magical light falls on a huge white screen in front of you. It is a temporary effect and sometimes it comes back as hysteresis. I would definitely not want to be a thug!